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November 30, 2007
HIV-positive and still sexy
 "You can have your sexuality...you don't have to lose it because you have HIV"
People tend to think that contracting HIV can spell the end of their sex lives, but HIV-positive Africans of all ages are now being urged to reclaim their sexuality and live healthy, normal lives.
"I got this [HIV] through sex, so [I thought] my sexuality was gone and I felt I needed to stop dressing attractively and wait to die," Florence Anam, 28, an information officer at the Kenya Network of Women with AIDS, told IRIN/PlusNews.
Anam said when she first revealed she was HIV-positive, many men avoided her, believing she was out to infect them; she herself had no interest in sex for several months after she was diagnosed. However, she has since discovered she can continue having and enjoying sex, despite being HIV-positive.
"My take on this is that you can have your sexuality ... you don't have to lose it because you have HIV, you just have to be responsible," she said, adding that sex "has to be good or I'm not having it".
At a recent workshop by the Africa Regional Sexuality Resource Centre (ARSRC), at its Sexuality Institute in Kenya's coastal city of Mombasa, participants heard that there was a need to rethink sexuality in the context of disease, particularly chronic infections such as HIV.
"HIV as a condition is highly moralised; people face stigma because they are perceived by society to have been sexually immoral," said Richmond Tiemoko, director of ARSRC.
"Women are particularly affected by this type of stigma because they are expected to be the keepers of society's morality, so contracting HIV is seen as a great failure on their part." He said it was important that people living with HIV recognised and claimed their right to sexuality and sexual intercourse.
The Sexuality Institute provides a forum for African health professionals to discuss ways of promoting more positive attitudes towards sexuality in the region.
"We believe that to reduce HIV and promote well-being, we need to adopt a positive discourse on sex and sexuality," said Tiemoko. "Discussing issues of sexual violence, stigma, self-esteem and HIV enables people to have a better understanding of their links with sexuality and to make them less taboo."
I am a human being with sexual needs and feelings, which need fulfillment without apologies to anyone.
The workshop was attended by researchers, government workers and staff from local non-governmental organisations with a reproductive health or AIDS focus. They were encouraged to incorporate messages about healthy sexuality into their programmes for people living with HIV.
"When first diagnosed, I considered sex dirty and blamed it for my fate," Asunta Wagura, executive director of the Kenya Network of Women with AIDS, said in a recent interview with the Sexuality in Africa magazine, an ARSRC publication. "I suppressed this need for a long time, until I could suppress it no more and openly declared, 'I am a human being with sexual needs and feelings, which need fulfillment without apologies to anyone'."
Wagura, who has publicly declared her HIV status, caused controversy when she decided to have a child in 2006. Her son was born healthy and has so far tested HIV-negative.
"I was criticised all round ... the view is that people living with HIV/AIDS should not think along those lines, because having a baby involves sexual intercourse," she said.
Speaking at the workshop, Dr Sylvia Tamale, dean of law at Uganda's Makerere University, said there was a 'disconnect' between sex in a health or medical context, and sex in a pleasure context.
"There is a need to 'unlearn' and refine some of the lessons that society teaches us, and open people's minds," she said, adding that sexuality counselling could go a long way towards changing perceptions.
The ARSRC holds rotating workshops annually in Egypt, Kenya, Nigeria and South Africa. The Mombasa workshop was hosted in conjunction with their partner organisation in Kenya, the Population Council, an international non-governmental reproductive health organisation.
Reproduced with permission from: AF-AIDS eForum 2007: af-aids@eforums.healthdev.org
Posted by yardFlex at November 30, 2007 09:32 AM
Comments
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Posted by: Safe Sex King
on December 1, 2007 04:25 AM
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I'm not feeling this. This is part of a modern malaise which states that people don't need to take responsibility for their mistakes.
Contracting HIV signals a wake up call, someone in that person's life made a mistake and that mistake signals reason for change. Simply 'reclaiming one's sexuality' smacks of arrogance and refusal to accept responsibility. Does it mean that she only considers HIV positive men as partners - I'll bet not. As for deliberately bringing a child into the world in the full knowledge that there is a greater chance of not being around to raise him? She is simply selfish beyond belief.
This woman sounds all wrong and deserves rejection. If a friend told me he had met someone who admitted she were HIV positive and was considering a relationship with her I would tell him that I admired her honesty but advise him to run a mile. No pum pum is so sweet that you should risk dying for it.
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Posted by: joanna
on December 4, 2007 01:24 PM
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safe sex king...poor you. get a life
with more than 40million people living with hiv in the world...do you suggest then there is any possibility that their sexuality should be stifled? do they not deserve a normal life? are you aware of the fact that millions of babies are born positive and grow to become healthy adults? what say you about their plight re: sexuality? are you considering that hiv positive people are deserving of a bad quality of life...one void of sex? how ridiculous !!!
remember that this is not a gutter disease and people deserve to live normally...what change are you talking about - when husbands are infecting wives?????
are you aware of modes of transmission and the fact that hiv positive people have to be responsible in maintaining their sexual health as well?
go and read some more before being so quick to judge...that is why there is a world aids day...to sensitise people...chances are someone you know will have to interact with an hiv positive child...then we will se how your thinkiong changes...
what mistakes are you talking about??? do you think hiv comes like an accident??? especially in our mainly heterosexual transmission region...this is a disease of love not one of the street...so you tell me the mistakes in getting married to sojmeone who maybe had no idea they too was positive...
u are an ass...but do i expect more form yardflex a yardflex reader? no
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Posted by: positiveandsaferthanurass
on December 4, 2007 01:42 PM
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u r a fool safe sex king...if u actually knew what safe sex meant u would know why doctors tell people to wear a condom to avoid the risk of the dying you talk about
u r just a slimey hater and discriminating agaisnt people with hiv is hateful and foolish.
u r so stupid - in my african society it is the man who usually makes advances.
do u wear ur status on ur shirt or face? how would any woman know a man's status in order for her to make deliberate attempts to consider them as partners. are u suggesting hiv positive people go out to deliberately snare and infect those who are not hiv positive? this is not the gist of the article posted here
hiv positive people need to be able to express their status to anyone at anytime
if someone wants to have an intimate relationship with an hiv positive person then that is not as dispicable as your dum ass is suggesting.
for ur information there are many positive people very happily married to hiv negative people
get a grip people like u are a big part of why hiv spreads
that is fine if u or ur people u give advise to run 100 miles, but there are zillions of people in this world who love the person 1st for who they are and then find it possible to actually be a safe sex king or queen in their relationship with an hiv positive person.
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Posted by: got education
on December 4, 2007 01:47 PM
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You admire what honesty? and then you dis? how then will people be encouraged to continue being honest and free from hate. HIV does not mean sinner, wrongdoer, gay, drug user, prostitute or promiscuous. Educate yuourself and know that everyone in this world deserves the respect and love that is due them according to their works. Being HIV+ does not define anyone. Noone kn ows the circumstances of infection to pass judgements.
Everyone is free to choose their sexual partner and if someone falls in love with an HIV+ man or woman then that is their choice and they are well able to keep themselves safe
Go read some books king idiot.
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Posted by: the deal
on December 4, 2007 01:49 PM
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frocking *sshole king frocking fool!!!
who in a hemophiliac's life made a mistake and what is the hemophiliac's responsibilty now!!! what change does this non suspecting person have to make frockin g idiot king frock
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Posted by: 1st light
on December 4, 2007 01:51 PM
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i bet you have herpes king safe sex
must dat mek you a do the safe sex now?
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Posted by: andrea
on December 4, 2007 01:54 PM
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HEH HEH HEH yes is after your queen tek har herpes test you start pop style bout you a king safe sex
a you dem fe run from
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Posted by: african queen
on December 4, 2007 02:09 PM
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You don't have to feel this and neither does anyone else, just know that HIV + people are being encouraged to disclose their status without fear. Meaning without fear of rejection. If anyone wants to run a mile or two or three - as the writer said was also her experience - that is not a problem for HIV+ people.
This is something that people with HIV must be counselled into learning to deal with.
At the same time you are so ignorant in the way you have written your comment.
what is all wrong about this writer and why does she deserve rejection? I do not get your point. you can eject her all you want as can anyone who wants, but what makes you think that she is nopt worthy of love if someone wants to prove he is a safe sex king and love her intimately.
the other thing is doctors are well able to guyide hiv positive people through safew pregnancies . get modern and pray this does not happen to anyone you know.
with millions of africans infected, we do not need to further stigmatise them
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Posted by: marlene
on December 4, 2007 02:10 PM
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hmm hmm why am i not surprised.
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Posted by: Ista Lion
on December 4, 2007 02:12 PM
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You go girl. Power to HIV positive people.
Don't ever hold your head down girl. Dis commentor at the top is discouraging and needs to get his head out of the sand
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Posted by: janice
on December 4, 2007 02:15 PM
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THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD CAN RUN FROM ME WHEN I TELL THEM I AM HIV POSITIVE.
ANY MAN CAN RACE OUT OF MY PRESENCE IF THEY WANT TO
BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME ASHAMED, A SINNER, A PERSON THAT MADE A MISTAKE OR ANY OF THE NEGATIVE LABELS PEOPLE WANT TO PLACE ON ME.
THOSE WHO JUDGE ME WILL SUFFER
SO ALL I DO IS PRAY FOR PEOPLE LIKE SAFE SEX KING
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Posted by: MajorT
on December 4, 2007 06:12 PM
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I don't agree with all that "Safe Sex King" wrote, but I think instead of attacking him/her, y'all should elinghten him/her. In doing so, the eventual effect is that it will educate others re: people being able to live normal lives while being HIV+. Trust me, he/she does voice the concern (or if you please "ignorance") of MANY MANY ppl ... including myself. If we honestly do a survey to find out who would knowingly have sexual relationship with an HIV+ individual, more than likely the outcome would be along the lines of what "Safe Sex King" is expressing. Over the years we have been fed the doom & gloom stats of AIDS. Seeing that HIV is a precursor, can you really blame him/her, us, others for our fears as it pertains to this disease ? We need to be educated, however, attacking him/her or anyone that has an apprehension to associate with HIV+ individuals just does not help. DON'T ATTACK ME, EDUCATE ME !!!
We do know that HIV+ doesn't mean you have or will eventually have AIDS. However, from all the mis-information we received over the years (example: contracting HIV/AIDS via exchange of saliva) what do we believe ?
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Posted by: ok major T
on December 5, 2007 09:24 PM
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this link discusses the pregnancy issue and why don't you lot just use google? Put in your questions and wait see...and at the same time there is a lot out there that is stigmatising.
fact is hiv positive people are living long in countries where medicine is available...the only real problem with living positive now is the discrimination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the site below speaks about pregnancy...
the medicine now taken by people with hiv allows the virus to become undetectable in blood...transmission is still possible but risk is lowered...according to scientists and many HIV+ couples I have spoken with - especially in Africa
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/hiv_pregnancy_sperm_washing_2042_13613.shtml
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Posted by: true say
on December 5, 2007 09:34 PM
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but look at your name too...king safe sex...just shows what is first and foremost on your mind
SEX
When African princesses ( and yes they are still princesses even if living with HIV) meet a man they may desire or who may desire them...sex is not the first thing on their minds. They get to know the man before sex. and this is where the hiv discussion must come ionto the picture
if you happen to fall in love with someone even if they are HIV+ then you will just have to figure the sex out ...IF YOU WISH.
OR RUN IF YOU WISH...YOUR CHOICE!!!
So this is why it is not Aids Victim or AIDS orphan
but People living with HIV/AIDS or children orphaned by HIV/AIDS
HIV does not define anyone...it is PEOPLE FIRST...FIRST I AM A PERSON THEN I HAVE HIV
HIV means someone's BLOOD is irreparably damaged...it does not speak to the person's character!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it does not define their body size, or mean they are OUT TO INFECT YOU!!
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Posted by: scientist
on December 5, 2007 09:51 PM
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major t - it would take a truck load of saliva to infect a person with HIV...
on this note i hope the publishers of yardflex get an HIV SPECIALIST - (and not the regular doctor/writer they have - who seems stigmatising himself) to defray much mis-information - believe me there are many new findings and old facts that need to be published to our narrow minded community who still thinks saliva, hugging, or sharing utensils will transmitt HIV.
Having sex with an HIV positive person would mean that you loved that person very much before deciding to have sex with them - enough to educate yourself on how to stay safe...which is quite possible
this safe sex guy talking about "pum pum" shows why he has a name like safe sex, since his main criteria for relationship is "pum pum" he does not consider tha the human being may be so sweet and desirable...
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Posted by: ENG EMMANUEL CHIMA
on December 28, 2007 01:16 PM
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please i have i girl friend who i sometimes feel like having sex with, but she told me that she is still a virgin at age of 27 please i want to know though i have not have full sex with her apart from putting my pennis under her labs or untop of her vegina and release can i contract h i v in this way? Thanks please send the answer to my e- mail senator234ever@yahoo.com or obeleteacher@yahoo.com
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Posted by: Opposites Attract
on February 28, 2008 10:09 PM
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To King Safe Sex, I really believe that as suggested by a few of the posters above, you have some reading to do.
I myself love this article. I'm an HIV- guy falling for an HIV+ girl, thus my inquiries into the subject which led me to this page. Initially, I knew she liked me and she knew by my advances that I liked her, but she kept pushing me away because of her status.... She went as far as to tell me to find someone else. She feared the very rejection that you are preaching about in your post. More than that she feared the possibility of hurting me with her status. When she saw that I wasn't going anywhere, she finally allowed me to accept her as she was and we are now very happy. We have not had sex yet because we decided to wait, but the fact is that she let me in and opened herself up to the possibility of someone accepting her and loving her. Which is what this article is talking about.
Accepting your sexuality while HIV+ simply means allowing others in so that they have the opportunity to love you in that way.
Anyway, just thought I would add my five cents.
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Posted by: DALLIO STAR
on May 3, 2008 09:27 AM
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yoow hiv is gain from having sex and if u take a look at the world today everybody a have sex so its not a bad thing to put urself down if u get hiv live ur life just dont spread people a act like its a crime people commit as long as u dont spread it u should be able to live a very productive life like everyone else who dont have it it nuh mek yuh nuh different from any one else yah.....
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Posted by: Andrew
on May 22, 2008 08:29 PM
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I have a question for those who encourage the "normal life" and continued sexual activities for tested HIV positive individuals. Would you knowingling and willing have sex with a tested HIV positive person?
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Posted by: Make de right choice
on June 23, 2008 07:14 PM
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Safe Sex King, nuh watch nutten, I fully agree with wat you said. And i do not consider that discriminatory. The fact is, regardless of what persons are saying, HIV/AIDS is a killer and no way should anyone wilfully go and have sex with a person who has the disease ...unless of course the person want to die!!! And i want to know the lady who claim she wanted a child, was the baby father also hiv positive and if not, did he contract the disease ....
I dont think that once u have the disease yu should live in shame ...no im not sayin that...You must take care of urself, go to parties, socialize, take ur medications etc and if yu want sex get it from someone who already has hiv positive, like de person who u got the disease from.
BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD A HEALTHY PERSON BE HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS AIDS AND I AM NOT BEING HARSH, ITS JUST NOT RIGHT. I KNOW A GUY WHO HAS IT (HIV +) OR SO I HEARD AND EVERYTIME HIM A TELL MI HOW HIM LIKE MI( making sexual advances)..I WANT TELLL HIM TO TEK A HIKE BUT MI JUS A COOL!!! It is just absurd that i would be expecting to perform sexual acts (kissing intercourse, licking) with someone who has aids...no star ....and mi naw mek no apology caz if i have hiv i would not want to have a sexual relation with someone hiv negative.
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